It sounds to me like you are trying really hard to convince yourself that the pros of staying with this man (money) outweigh the cons (abusive alcoholic). But, if you were really convinced, I doubt you would be here year after year. (You used to go by the handle GypsyRose, right?)
When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of change, we change. It just seems a shame to me that this is how you choose to spend your "one wild and precious life."
L