Hi IPROMISE and
to SR. This place is awesome and filled with awesomely supportive people. I'm glad you found us.
I love him so much, and in my first paragraph I was angry when I said I was glad I didn't marry him. I want to marry him big time, but not like this - I want him to be sober so badly.
Can I ask you this: Do you love your partner completely, as he is *right now*, drunkeness and all? Because who he is right now, today, is the only person he is willing to be. Nothing you do, say, think or feel can make him change. You are not that powerful!
The only thing you have power over is yourself. I know it totally sucks rocks to accept, but once you do, your perspective on things change. *You* can decide what you are willing to accept and what you are not.
I say this as a total codie myself, because I too wanted my x-husband to be sober, to be nicer, to be healthier, etc etc. I too tried to convince him, plead with him, BEG him, bargain with him, rage at him, manipulate him...nothing ever worked. I've left him and he still drinks. It's been about 4 months since I left and I still struggle daily with the notion that I simply do not have the power to MAKE anyone do anything, be they a family member, a friend or a coworker.
Keep posting!