IPROMISE

As you can tell, my user name is "IPROMISE." I chose this name because I hear that ALL THE TIME. I promise I won't do this anymore. I promise that I will be the man I need to be for you. I promise that we are going to live better lives from here on out. I am tired of the broken promises. I was supposed to get married last year. Glad I didn't.

A little background: I have been with this gentleman for 6 years. Living together for 4 of those 6 years. When we had moved in together, we would have the occasional glass of wine. Within a months time (and I am being serious here), he was at a bottle of wine either every night or every other night. Warning bells were going off and I didn't listen. Finally after a year I had asked him: When you were calling me late at night to tell me you loved me before we moved in....were you drunk? He admitted yes. Did I feel like someone sold me a bridge? You bet.

The drinking has graduated to just a bottle of wine, to a bottle of wine, a 40 oz or a 6 pack of beer - whatever alcohol he brings home either every other day, or every other 2 days. I have begged and pleaded with him to stop. My son has given me the ultimatum that if he can't stop drinking, he's leaving. Financially, would it kill me....yes, I won't lie. I only make so much money and in this economy....it could be devastating. Do I love my son...absolutely. I don't want him to leave. Although he is 19 - I am his soul support and where would he go?

I have told the man in my life several times in the past 6 months, that if he continues to drink I will ask him to leave. Although he understands that and truly does not want to lose me and vice versa. However, I don't know if I can hack much more. I went to a funeral today, and I was sitting there thinking to myself "What am I doing?" "Why am I wasting my time with this???" I received a text message from him 2 hours later saying "he was having a bad day." Hmmmm, so I texted him back messages of sobriety: specifically "slippery souls need sober shoes." He came back with some flippant comment about how the souls need "cold drinks." He knows I was so upset about this funeral....and I have been tense for the past 2 hours knowing that at 8PM he gets off work and I know what he is going to do.

I love this man so much, and I am convinced that without booze - he could be so much more. But I can't fix this...I have tried! Am I the bad guy for kicking him out after dealing with this for four years? Am I selfish to want "a normal" life? Now, I know that there is no such thing as normal....but, I think my son and I deserve to live in peace. I love this man so much and I think in the four years he has gone to AA twice total. What in the hell am I supposed to do?????