So here's the part where I ask you is it an acceptable part of your recovery to live with an addict?
What happens to us in these relationships is we lose sight of ourselves and focus solely on what they are doing. Not even realizing the damage we are doing to ourselves because we tend to have this "I got this" mentality and "we are the ones that have our sh!t together" attitude.
But do we really? It used to make me very angry when he would confront me on my wrongdoings. I would have this "How dare he!" attitude about it. I would justify my behavior but convincing myself that all of my unhealthy behavior were his addiction's fault...HIS FAULT. And if he were sober, I wouldn't act this way. I am "fine" when he's sober, and everything is "just perfect!" And if he would just stay clean...our lives would be amazing and everything would be just dandy. I kept waiting for that....10 years.
And then I started my own recovery...and I realized this isn't the first person in my life I have behaved this way towards. I am a control freak and a perfectionist...to a fault. I always perceived this as a noble attribute...until I realized it was a byproduct of my trust issues and low self esteem. It wasn't until I realized that I am NOT a queen....I am NOT unique...and there are others just like me, that I began to listen and heal.
You mentioned that you have children. One parent in recovery, one parent that is not.
If it is his choice not to get help for himself....so be it. His choice, but you have made the decision to stay sober and work very hard to maintain your sobriety, for yourself and for your children...I ask you again....do you think it is healthy for your sobriety to live with an active addict?
It all goes back to The First Step.