A little late to the party as usual... my two cents worth - I came here for support. I know the truth about A and recovery- but living with A or recovery is different from knowing about it.
I feel that my experience of being bashed emotionally or having my words twisted or being abandoned by the illness has left me with wounds that need healing.
I believe that the truth is healing, but when someone is in pain, it is usually needful for that person to step into that pain and support is part of holding their hand while they take that step.
When I first went to alanon I was surprised to hear that the focus would be on me finding and healing me first. There was no pushing to leave, fix or do anything about my A. I never heard a confrontation only validation. My focus has been to work on me and then I will focus on making decisions. That order is for a purpose - I have made previous decisions which hurt me more and hurt others more - so I will take the time and give others time to find their way.
I don't think this is codie behavior to hold someone's hand when they are in pain until they get to safety. I don't think it is codie behavior to validate a person's experience of a situation and let them take responsibilty for their own choices.