Originally Posted by
Ago 
if I want a relationship with someone who is growing healthier, I don't look for anyone but I start doing the work and growing towards health myself and she will appear as if by magic.
Exactly my experience. Having someone to fulfill my selfish wants has nothing to do with finding the right person. It has to do with getting my selfish wants fulfilled. When I work on the problem (my selfish wants) via the 12 Steps, I get a relationship that is mostly free of selfish wants. The person appears.