Good question. I leave the tough love to others who are willing to take the heat and risk going too far. I guess because after five years of offering my ABF my "help" and "advice" and getting nowhere, I've finally gotten it through my thick skull
that I can be more helpful by sharing my experience and what's worked for me. So I proofread my posts for too many "you"s and not enough "I"s.
I know for me there's a temptation to try to impose my point of view on others on the forum because nobody's listening to me at home.
But I also recall something I discussed with my therapist: I can't know or control how others will react to me, so I need to use my judgment, do my best, and if somebody thinks I'm out of line, they can call me on it and we can discuss it. It's hard for me, but when I do it, I learn a lot more than if I'm clammed up and afraid to make a mistake.
Hang in there; this is part of the process.