Originally Posted by
swampy 
Yeah.. the more i think about it, it's the resentments that got me back out to relapse.
Maybe. Resentments never caused me to drink. I drank because I'm an alcoholic. I drank because I couldn't choose not to.
But, resentments keep me blocked off from the sunlight of the spirit, and without that light in my life, I'm sure to drink.
I was talking to a new guy last night. He's been trying to piece together a little sober time since November. Seen him go to the hospital a few times, cops kick down his door after suicide threat, even went away to detox for a couple weeks and drank on the way home. What I shared with him was part of my Step 1 surrender experience.
When I got sober, I believed that the world was divided into those who were blessed and those who were f**ked. Everybody is in one of those two boxes. And it was obvious to me which box I was in. I was one of the ones who wasn't going to recover. I was just going to keep living that way getting ever more miserable and alone. Somehow, that idea filled me with enough desperation, and enough freedom, to truly surrender. I had nothing to lose, and I could fearlessly do all the things I was reluctant to do. I worked the AA program like my life depended on it, because I had nothing to lose.