Hey man, your posts suggest that you are open minded enough to do this properly, for you, this time. Go back through the steps and do them thoroughly (even if you think you did last time) this time...maybe there are amends that you did not make...there were amends that Dr Bob didn't make and he drank over them and then went out and made them all and stayed sober...
Please understand, if you can, you relapsed 4 and a half months ago, you have not been relapsing for the last 4 and a half months you have just kept drinking with periods of abstinance in between, trying again to stop drinking through your own willpower and trying to control it.
Sounds like this could really work out for you if you are willing to get back on with some work and get really honest with yourself...as for being 41 and living with parents...so what if you are anything like me you should be dead by now anyway, count yourself lucky, even whilst you are on the pot hehe And anyway i am 38, 39 in May and if it hadn't been for drinking i would have been a decorated Captain on special missions like James Bond by now, so who's got the real right to feel sorry for themselves...or maybe an astronaut, do they have astronauts that are scared of flying...hmmm...i would definitely have been a billionaire though, probably;-)