Hi again Swampy
I'm glad you're back.
Well, I'm not an AAer but I'd go back to daily meetings and to that sponsor who gave you the jails institution and death speech back last time and I'd take Keith's advice and start the steps over...
I think you really need to think about those resentments and regrets cos it's like a theme running through your posts, man - this was mid November last year:
D
Originally Posted by Swampy
guy's, i disappeared for a few. well.. here i am posting again. had another slip up and am on day 7 of sobriety. finally called my sponsor and got quite the earful about jails, institutions, death, and hurting others, in that process. I have been at a meeting everyday these last 7 days. Feeling a little more connected and trying to force myself to meet other addicts and share with them. It totally sucks starting at the beginning like this again and again. trying to make this the last time. When I really try to think about what went wrong after 18 months of sobriety is that even after working up to the 10th step, I still did not like my life and my life situation. It was and is filled with guilt, regret, what-if's.. I feel like I have been on the wrong path for these last 10 years, hence why i have been slowly destroying myself. basically, I have a higher power in my life, but felt in limbo. In another life I should have been really trying to play music professionally and living out west somewhere, not divorced and a raging alcoholic on the east coast. I don't know if this all sounds messed up or what. thanks for reading. have a nice day.