I am now struggling with the thoughts that when my 30 days of penance are up I can control my drinking.
That's not quitting.
That's just not drinking for a specified amount of time.
Lots of alcoholics do that.
I tended bar for years
and often customers would 'take a break'
and usually they'd do that
when their drinking had esclated to a new higher level
and they'd scared themselves
in some way.
30 days
60 days
antibiotics- ten days...
whatever.
That's not quitting.
Quitting is not drinking... ever.
You didn't have 'cravings' because you knew
you were only going to stop for a certain time.
Think about it.
You're not controlling the alcohol
when you're setting a clock to start back.
You take back your own life
when you put the alcohol
away for good.
Otherwise it's just a glorified coffee break.
Pun intended.
have you looked into programs of recovery?
Recovery is all about changing the self.
There's some really great methods out there.