Day 17, need clarification!
Hi everyone,
It is day 17 for me today and the drinking debate is really starting again in my head!
I have learnt so much from this site especially that drinking problems really are individual and no "one size fits all" for symptoms and recovery.
My problem is that recently have taken trip to Europe for Xmas with 16 year daughter. Struggled to stop before going but could not win the fight, as too early and still struggling with denial. Made the decision when o/s to just try "harm minimisation" so managed to control drinking at 2 drinks a day for 16 days only one slip where I ended up having 4 and felt terrible for not controlling it. Back to Sydney into routine again and 2 binges which made me so sick hence the rehab phone calls as desperate to stop. (cant afford to take time off from work,especially after coming back from Europe).
What i cant understand is why did I manage to control for those two weeks with no cravings? Was it the new exciting environment of europe? I WAS terrified of getting intoxicated in front of daughter as I am a secret drinker usually in my bedroom with door locked quickly gulping down bottle of vino after bad day, or drinking away from home when out with friends (max 2 bottles of wine in 1 day is my worst binge so far)
I am now struggling with the thoughts that when my 30 days of penance are up I can control my drinking.
Thankyou all for reading this long-winded post.
I feel so much better without the alcohol in my system, certainly more self-respect! If I was NOT an alcoholic of sorts, would I have this debate going on in my head?