How do you detach, but still care?
I'm trying really hard to detach from my RAH. I've learned a lot over the last couple of weeks about how truly codependent I am since he told me that he was over our marriage because of my anger and the way I play the victim.
I'm reading Codependent No More and would love to hear from some of you on here who have been successful with Al-Anon and recovery on how you detach from the mess yet still care about the person?
Also, do you find that if you try to really change your actions did your attitude change? I'll give you an example:
Today we have been slammed with snow where I live. Last night he came by to see our son and checked on a few things to make sure we would be ok. I haven't heard from him at all today. At 3:30 today I was on the phone with a friend looking at the snow falling outside the front door and randomly saw him drive by. Our house is in a neighborhood very far from where he is staying AND it is very secluded (it is basically a peninsula onto a river). I figured he would stop by. Nope, nothing. In my mind, I am upset that we have had the largest snowfall in 2 decades and he hasn't even called or texted to see if we are ok. Normally I would have called him this afternoon and asked a million questions-why were you in the neighborhood, what were you doing, why couldn't you stop by to see your little boy? I decided that isn't going to get me anywhere. As hard as it will be when he does call or come by I am NOT going to go there. It isn't my concern and won't make a difference in my life if I know what he was doing. I'm just hoping the more I tell myself that the easier it will get for me to totally change my way of thinking.