My husband was well-versed in my fears and insecurities. He used them against me every time he felt threatened by me. It's a power struggle. I found the only way to win was to stop playing. I also needed to work with a therapist to tackle my fears and insecurities so I could stop giving my power away--to him or anyone else.
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Edit to add: Starflier, we were posting at the same time. Engaging in the power struggle and trying to 'win' is also a choice. I did that, too, for a long time. I never won. I only got crazier and more unhappy.