Welcome, hurt. I'm sorry you're having a bad time of it. It's great that you're reaching out for help. I wish I had when I was in a similar situation. I took all the blame on myself when things went wrong in my marriage. My husband was never physically abusive, but could say some really cruel & cutting things when he was drunk. Then the next day he'd have no memory of it & claim it didn't happen. It almost made me insane, since I doubted myself all the time.
I hope you will visit the Friends & Family forum as was suggested - no one understands like those who are living through the same thing. It will help strengthen you and give you courage. We're glad you're here.