SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Drugs vs. your wife/family ... Guess I know where I stand

01-29-2010, 07:11 PM

# 34 (permalink)

serenityqueen

Attitude of Gratitude

Join Date: Sep 2007

Location: Dayton, Ohio

Posts: 2,305

Quote:

Since he got out of his 1 night stay in jail he's been on methadone only for about 2 weeks and he's been very cordial and seemingly 'fine' (though he's taking too much methadone, as he's buying it from the streets)

I had to read this over a few times to make sure I read this right. Do you honestly believe anything that comes out of his mouth regarding drugs? Or about anything in general? I was stunned that you would even think he's telling you the truth about what he's taking and not taking. This is something that you two shouldn't even begin to be discussing! You really shouldn't be discussing anything at all except the kids and the divorce. And after this, I seriously hope you'll let your Attorney handle everything from here on out. Stay as far away from him as possible.

The others were right, he IS your drug of choice. It's just like when I first began taking pain pills (my DOC) Everything started out fine and dandy, I was prescribed them for legitimate pain after a surgery. Then, all of a sudden before I knew what happened, this relationship between me and my DOC turned volatile. They began to cause problems in my life. As much as I knew that they weren't good for me anymore, I continued to go back to them time after time after time after time, thinking that I could change the way the relationship had become, I thought I could take them as prescribed, just the way you think that you can change the relationship between the two of you back to where it was before. That can't and won't happen. Even though his disease is effecting you, the kids and everyone else in the extended family, this is still HIS disease. He is the only one who can do anything to change what's going on and right now, he's just not ready to. He hasn't felt enough pain yet.

Anyone in their right mind wouldn't be doing all the things he's doing. He's not in control anymore. The drugs are what are making all the decisions for him. I remember when I was using and getting prescriptions that were illegal. I would pull up to the store where I had them called in. Sometimes there was a police car out front or over in the side of the parking lot. Did that stop me from going inside and getting the pills? Hell no! Getting to those pills was the only thing I thought about. I always went straight to the bathroom in the store to swallow handfuls of them thinking, "Well, if I get arrested, at least I won't be dope sick for awhile." How sick is that? If I ever got to thinking that my addiction wasn't in control, I merely have to think about all the times I did that. I had been to prison twice for getting bogus prescriptions, the same thing I was doing again and again and again. The first time I spent six months locked up, the second time was a year. That's how important my drugs were to me, to risk going back to prison for what would be a lot longer time if there was a third time. That's out of control. Just like AH is out of control, his drugs are doing all the talking and thinking. There is absolutely nothing that is going to change him until something in HIM clicks. Until then, all you can do is continue to pray for him.

I had no idea that his Mom left her own home to go stay at SIL's house. I thought she was there with him. Wow! I imagine this is a dream come true for him, living in a house where he doesn't have to pay a penny to stay in, all furnished, he can have people come and go as he pleases without having to explain anything to anyone. Until you call and take him back to reality. He doesn't want to face reality, that's why he doesn't answer the phone. And I imagine more times than not there are other people there with him, like the dude on the bicycle. I had to laugh when I thought of a grown man riding a bicycle in all the snow we've had. That's an example of insanity at it's finest.

Please do as the others have suggested, take the phone off the hook. If there was an emergency, someone will come to your home. Your parents live close by, right? Let them know you're taking the phone off the hook. After the Science Fair project is put up for the night and the boys are in bed, go take a long, hot bath. Fill that tub with bubbles, take a good book (nothing to do with addiction or codependency) and go soak until you're all wrinkled up. lol When you're done and letting the water out, look at those bubbles and imagine they are your troubles, let them go down your drain, taking all the madness with them.

I'm here for you. I'm sending you my phone number again in a personal message. You call me anytime, day or night, ok?

Love, Hugs & Prayers,
Judy