I echo what Teke said above me. I have seen people possessed by drugs and they may look frail and resemble a person you love, but they have the force of evil in them and would kill you for drugs (especially if you took THEIR drugs). They might not do that if they were clean and sober - but people who are high are crazed. When I was fighting my drug demon I seriously thought I was losing my mind - I would hear voices telling me to get high. I was not in control of myself. When I was high I may have looked like me, but inside I was in complete turmoil and not sane at all. I also asked for spiritual help, and this morning I realized I've been clean for over 4 years now. So it can be done. But getting clean has nothing to do with loved ones - it has everything to do with hitting the "proverbial bottom" and getting better on your own.
And the bottom can shift. If I chose, I could "pick up", get high, and then where I thought was my bottom wouldn't be my bottom anymore... it would be lower.
Another thought - when I was going through my divorce, I had to step back and give my now-ex space. I realized it was only hurting him more everytime I tried to comfort him or help him feel better or be his friend. He needed his space so he could recover in whatever way he chose. I had to accept that I was not in control of his life and his choices. I never had been. My role, much as I disliked it and it hurt, was as the ex now. It was not to be his friend. It was the hardest thing I had to do. But it was best for him that I just leave him alone and let him do his own thing.
So hang in there Callie. And take care of your children. They need your support during this time. Your husband is exactly where he needs to be right now. Even if its ugly.