I feel as though I am helping him die or end up in prison.
A common codie feeling. Let it pass. it is simply not true. You're just not that powerful. If he ends up in jail or the grave it is his destiny. All your "help" that you defend and describe over and over for many long years didn't have the power to make him stop. So the reverse is also true!
I just PRAY that he falls to the ground and not in his grave.
The force that drives most of my worst codie behavior is FEAR. When I finally got to the bottom of my fear, my very real & sometimes obsessive fear, that one of my A brothers could die, today, or kill another innocent person in an accident - and there was nothing I could do about it - when I started working hard (with the help of AlAnon - don't go it alone I say!), working very hard, to accept the unacceptable, my life became more serene and I was able to change many of my worst codie habits of mind.
Not easy, but for me it was necessary to accept that I just am not that powerful.
Step One!
peace & a shot of courage as you navigate this rocky passage to calmer seas for your children and for you.
b