Cessy, something i think has been missing in the post and replies is------ acceptance doesnt mean tolerating an active drug addict in your home.
Loving the man not the disease doesnt mean having an active addict in your home
detachment and acceptance are things we do to help us...........not to make us turn a blind eye or become anyones doormat or warm place to sleep.
the following is copied from some alanon sights........
But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, or condone it or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it, and I have to accept that. I MUST accept it!
to me, once we reach acceptance we then begin to look at ourselves and decide whats best for US.........often that means leaving, sometimes not
more from alanon lit.....
As the literature says, "Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person's alcoholism can have upon our lives."
sometimes detachment means detaching from the situation..........and the person. We can still feel love for them yet know that for us, in order to be healthy and peaceful we must detach
Cess you wrote---I wonder if I could have "accepted him" "as is".... would the outcome for me have been different.
I have to ask , would what be different? If by accepting his "as is" you mean tolerating his active and more than likely progressive addiction..................sure things would have been different..........you would have continued to live a life that had an active addict in it and that barometer you gaged life by would keep changing and you'd soon find yourself accepting things you never thought you'd accept.............
if you mean, if you accepted him "as is' and overlooked the drug use and continued the same life would he have gotten clean and made it all better ...........that is doubtful.
You hear alot of slogans and saying ........so keep this one in mine too
NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.
Try not to what if yourself............it keeps you stuck, look at the possibilites in your life ---
best wishes , Liesagain( which by the way.......the reason for the screenname is --it was always lies and more lies....more than I could stand to count)
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))