Somedays I get on a big thought about the XABF and I can't let go...it devours all my energy and there is nothing I can do but just think - it gets me no where. The mind is so powerful and it is tiring me out.
I truly want to be in it (relationship) with him and be happier...but is that just an illusion? Or a temporary relief, just to see and be with him?
I am so confused...is it that I want to be with someone who is comfortable and not wanting to move on to some one new and starting all over again? Deep down, I do have trong feelings for my XABF...am I just scared?
I was doing so well before X-mas and once New Year's came along, we got together platonically had a good time together as friends. I wanted more to happen, but I figured I'd behave and have respect for myself. I would feel even worse if we did connect intimately. Now I wish I did in some ways...ho hum...but I couldn't at the time....if you know what I mean. Bad timing...grrrrr lol