I want to cry but can't
Just a few moments ago while sitting in my cube of a big state office building I received a phoned call. This call was from Rachelle a 13 year old girl. Rachelle was my foster daughter for 3 years until last July. When I came forward with a plea for help CPS removed all the children from my home.
Now in another foster home she called me out of the blue still calling me Dad....I recognized her sweet girlish voice right away. It was so hard talking in the office with her without breaking down so I purposely kept the conversation short.
Her bio. mother on July 2nd will have 1 year clean and sober an absolute miracle and at the end of August Rachelle is going to be able to live with her again. She seems very happy with this, I sure hope her mother keeps the path.
I miss her sooooo much, I am going to my regular Alanon meeting tonight at 7:00 and need to share about how difficult it is to process such a call at work.
It was all I could do to tell her I loved her and was happy for her without blubbering all over myself.....I sure screwed up a good thing.
It really sucks having to hide your emotions and remain professional......but I have plenty of practice at it for I was born into the Alanon program and worked my way into the AA program.....so running from my pain is deeply engrained in my head.