Originally Posted by
gneiss 
Not just a whim to go out and lose it for an evening. I don't recall having a night like this before. I don't just want an evening of oblivion; rather I've been mulling over the long-term consequences of simply letting it take over again.
On some level I still don't want to put on my big girl pants and deal with the world as an adult. I'm tired of crying over stuff I can't change, stuff that's in the past, stuff I'll never get an apology or explanation or even a straight story. Hell, I probably wouldn't believe it if I did get the real story because I don't trust anyone, so what does it matter? Why rehash it?
I wish I had a reset button.
I drank for obliviation for a lot of years.....and I know this feeling well...it's the one that scares me the most....cause if I don't give a fck....it's hard to be sober....but I do believe that just white knuckling it through any way you can is better than drinking....just don't wanna live my life there all the time .
I'm glad the morning is a little better hon (hug) right here with you in my heart (hug)