For my family, I can say the 4 of us siblings have different points of view at least in part (maybe entirely) because we were raised by different parents. The same two people, yes, but my father was strict and condemning and critical with me and my older sibling. With the two youngest, he was much more laid back and permissive. If you look at a chart of the roles of children in an alcoholic family, you'll see that one is treated as the scapegoat while another is lauded as hero. When being raised with such dramatically different treatment, children will grow up with radically different views of their family and parents. It took me a long time (thanks to the tapes of my mother's voice telling me I was just paranoid, blame-shifting, and refusing to look at myself) to realize this REALLY WAS happening, that I could point to many specific instances of it.
I look at my younger sister, who was raised by indulgent, encouraging, and loving parents, who was actually given what she needed (I spent 8th grade in the same two outfits, getting teased for it, because my mother couldn't stand to spend $--on children-- never mind that my parents had a nice house, crystal, china, a Mercedes, and a great deal more). When someone picked on my younger sister, that person was bad; when someone picked on me, my mother said I must have done something to deserve it. (I was not a bully or trouble maker, either. I was the kind who was friends with the nerds and so on. I didn't deserve that from my mother.)
I finally put two and two together and realized if my mother is trash-talking me to my face, to my children, and even to my best friend, she has no doubt spent my younger siblings' entire growing up years saying the same stuff about me to them. Sure, they 'love' me, but thanks to her ugly words all these years (verifiably not true, btw), they will probably forever interpret anything I say or do in the ugly light she has painted me. I'm guessing they and my mother have said some of the same things to my cousins, aunts, and uncles. Who knows how far the damage goes?
For me, yes, I've realized I can't fight years of my mother brainwashing others and destroying my name. I had limited my contact with them because of my parents' negativity and harshness toward my children. When it got to be too much (that story is in other things I've posted), I cut contact completely. They don't like it. Oh, well.
My answer is to try to live my life in peace, try to be right before God, pray for them continually, try to see them with compassion-- my siblings can't really help how they view me, my father is ill and fighting his own childhood demons, my mother-- well, I don't know what her excuse is, but she can't be happy inside her own head.
I now put my time and energy into friends and have found that people outside my family actually LIKE me. Not only that, they admire and respect me and TREAT me with respect.
So, no, I probably won't have much more than a surface relationship with my siblings. I wish it were otherwise, but accept I can't really change that and am not willing to accept their treatment of me. Someone on this board said men think of their families as just people who happen to be related, and thus aren't as affected as women, who think of family as everything. I'm trying to look at it more like men do, and having some success.