I dont know what i am getting out of this!! ....a massage sometimes ...him starting the fire sometimes .. sex sometimes ... watching a movie together ..an i love you ...but not actions .what i really deperately need ..someone to share responsibilities and life ...someone to be there for me thru the good and bad ..to really hear my cries .no i dont have that ....Plus I have to watch him kill himself daily and be verbally abused and manipulated to help him . . need support .... I am very afraid ..I know its best ..but its so hard to leave . I just feel thats better for me ....plus I can not believe he just forces me to buy the alcohol and tolerate it just because he knows I have not left and stayed and wanted this more then anything to work .but yes its totally been one sided for many years . he will say otherwise but wont do anything to contribute or say thru actions I am here for you ...or say I accept responsibilty for myself .