Hey,
I wanted to share with you that I too am going through a similar situation. My AH has been addicted to opiates for 10 years now...actually 11 this year. He has been "dry" on and off this entire time, and ended up checking himself into rehab last September. There have been 2 times in our relationship where he has really been accountable for his own actions: One- when he went to detox this time last year and Two: when he came home from rehab last October.
When He was really clean and working the program, he was loving, and motivated and optimistic and excited to have his life back. It was an absolute pleasure to see him so happy, and our home became a much more relaxed environment.
Two weeks ago he relapsed. I had boundaries put in place in the case that this may happen. I enforced them in a loving way, but told him we had to separate for awhile.
He did not like this, and has been talking to me with anger and resentment in his voice. The accountability is gone, and he's been playing the ole "twistaroo" game with me ever since. Meaning, he is trying to turn this into a "I'm not in love with you like that anymore." game and keeps talking like it was his decision to leave. Absurd. Looking back, he's used this tactic against me before. He knows my weaknesses and goes right below the belt when he's in defense mode. Take the attention off of me, and flip it back on her. kind of thing. It's their way of buying some time, and keeping the focus off of their using.
I did go into crisis mode, and my ego took a hit! BIG TIME! I actually was believing all the "quack quack quack" and got myself into a depressed place. But I didn't stay there for long...thanks to SR and all who have helped me open my eyes.
I agree with Needing Help and Cynical...he sounds slippery to me and prepare for anything at this point. People in recovery who are working the program have a more stable way of presenting their issues with others...not with hostility and anger. You would just "know" when he's coming from an honest place.
I have been using this time away from my A to heal myself, and untangle from him. I am now starting to look at the relationship objectively and realizing the things I need in a relationship without the drugs involved.
Separating from them is hard in the beginning. We have to go through a "detox" of our own. We have been enmeshed in their drama for so long, that we forget how to look inward, and satisfy our own needs. Have you been getting what you need from this man in your life? Or have you just been in "waiting" mode for so long, you lost site of how to be happy in a relationship?
We think that rehab is a "magic bullet" and all of our problems will just disappear when they get clean. Getting clean is the easy part for them...staying clean takes much work and there is so much that they will go through on their journey to a sober life. He knows this, and is probably angry at everyone else for standing in his way. If he hasn't relapsed already, he has the red flags waving all around him.
He has to want this for himself.
You see, opiate abusers have messed with their brain chemicals to the point where the endorphins cannot release properly. So He isn't capable of feeling highs on his own without chemicals to stimulate them. It is possible that he tried to get high, and the Naltrexone prevented him from feeling anything, who knows?
I stopped making excuses for my AH and his behavior. I will no longer say to myself "If he were clean, he wouldn't talk to me this way." The fact is...they are not treating us well, and we deserve to be around people who do appreciate us.
I cannot control his addiction, his behavior, his decisions or his life. He could have chosen to help himself and walk hand in hand with me, but he let go...and that's that. At some point, you just get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know?
Stay here...we are all with you and understand what you are going through. Try to take things one day at a time. It will get better for you when you're ready to have better.