dear wisedeb-
everyone here understands. if one hasn't lived with an alcoholic, then it really is quite impossible to understand the particular, insiduous madness it brings.
your husband made his choice. you made yours. it is all of our worst nightmare to think that the drink will kill them, but everyone here knows it is a very real possibility.
your sense of who you are must come from deep within you, not from what other people say or think about you. if you are peaceful with your choice and peaceful with your choice before your HP, then let them talk. it's really between you and god.
may you find the strength, courage and endurance to face yet another trial in this journey of Life.
we understand. believe me, we do. you made your choice for your daughter and for yourself. there is no saving an alcoholic who refuses to seek help. we all know that from trying, crying, breaking, going crazy with them as we watch this horrible disease transform our loved one into monsters we must flee from.
my thoughts are with you.
naive