Update
The funeral was very hard. I let my daughter make as many choices for what she wanted for her father. She was very brave, and wanted certain things to be done the way she wanted. Over 100 people attended. His parents church, my work, his work and lots of friends. It was so hard to stand up there.
I know Im going to go thru mixed emotions. Anger and sorrow seem to be the emotions of today. He left me holding the bag. He left her fatherless. I could never understand the things he did and this was the last one.
Now on to the awful part. His Mother cant speak to me, and when she does you can tell its fake.I really never felt close with them. She blames me for having no contact. She blames me for not being supportive. 2 years ago we went thru this with councling and he walked out. My daughter and I were supportive then. I could no longer do it. The therapist told me I made the right choice, but my MIL just cant seem to understand that. Also one of his co-workers whispered in my ear.. You should have done more, talked to him more. I pushed him away. My best friend who was sitting behind me asked me what he said and she was off and running. She put him in his place. What is wrong with people today. Even if he felt that way he could have kept it to himself.
Another thing that seems so unreal is when we went to Social Security for benifits for my daughter, I had to sign a paper that said I was a widow and no longer married to him. That hit home. I wanted a divorce, didnt want to be a widow at 44. I wanted him to get well and build a better life for himself. He kept saying he wanted to come home, instead I brought him home in a box. Im just so angry.
Monday I return to work and have a councling session afterwards. My daughter returns to school and has one right after. Figure that would be a good time to get thru all the questions or emotions. I also told her that if someone asks what happen and if she doesnt want to say.. The sentence is "Its just too painfull to talk about" I dont know what else to tell her. Any thoughts?