Kassie -
You are not alone with those thoughts.
As far as feeling antisocial and distrustful....yes and yes.
This past year I have basically been in isolation, except for going back to school. I moved to a different state to be with him, and well, have been alone ever since. I am moving back to my home state in 4 months, my family and the majority of my great friends are there.... but as for now, I find it VERY difficult to go out or even want to meet anyone here.
I've been going to counseling, and have discussed with her that right now I can't even fathom the idea of opening up enough to someone, I've even found i've distanced myself from mutual high school friends that he and I had. They haven't done anything wrong, but I have built a wall up around myself.
So not healthy. But i'm working on building boundaries, which before, I really lacked.
I feel safe and social with my friends back home, and I can't wait to get there. But as for now, I feel exactly what you feel. I'm so stuck in my own thoughts sometimes that I can't imagine being a joy for anyone else to be around.
I'm looking at it this way though, I know I am making a choice to be antisocial right now, and this is a huge opportunity to really focus on me, why I have made the choices I have made, work through the pain I feel, and get back to the social person I used to be.
I send you a hug too... I know what it's like to need one :ghug3