Hello,
Just prior to entering the program my son was diagnosed with multiple handicapps. I was brought to the point of knowing I probably didn't have enough guts to actually kill myself, but I could understand why some people would. It was like, "Oh, so this is what it feels like to be suicidal".
It was either make a change or die. The first meeting I went to, I heard someone say "The best thing you can do for your son is to love his mother". I didn't think that was possible. I later asked the woman who became my sponsor "How do I do that". She said by working the program, and learning to take care of yourself.
Flash forward 2 1/2 years. I've been transformed emotionally, physically, and mentally. That pathetic person I was is but a shadow. I'm doing things today I would have never dreamed of. A job that's amazing. I'm a confident mother. I feel truly blessed.
I do have help with anti-depressants, there's a big family history there. But, without AA, Sure, I might be okay. But with AA and the fellowship of like people... I've been rocketed into the fourth demension. It's far better than I could have imagined.
I don't think I'd have the transformation I've been blessed to have without being at that absolute low.
You're doing all the right things right now. Keep it up.