Man of my dream is an alcoholic and so were both of my parents-but X husband was not-
Sorry for posting this twice, but I feel my first post was not listed correctly as I am getting more responses regarding my childhood than I am regarding my current situation regarding the love of my life being an alcoholic. Regarding my childhood and growing up in a house that had TWO paretns that were drunk most of the time.Unfortunately the memories are all too clear in my head. Memories of waking up hearing my parents fighting, and the sound of my mother screaming as my father would beat her terribly. I would run to the rescue and try to save her to no avail. Both of my siblings left the house when I was 5 or 6 so I was left on my own to grow up dealing with this. They were much older and had enough. This was how I remember my childhood. I remembered going to a therapist at one point after my divorce and tried to talk about it, but she told me that it seemed as though I had those feelings and memories under control and that she really didn't feel she needed to see me anymore.
Soooo
Decades later after both of my parents have passed (one to alcohol the other to heard disease), and after my divorce 4 years ago. I meet the man of my dreams. A caring, giving, patient incredibly handsome and charming man that I always dreamed of. He cooks, plays music, is a passionate lover, and has such a passion for life, he's incredibly intelligent, and a peaceful individual. ...when he ISN'T drinking...
He has been an alcoholic since the day I met him, in fact probably way before I met him. Had a very hard time dealing with the fact his wife no longer wanted him as a husband or a father. I honestly do not know if he drank during his marriage with her or not, I only know he drank HEAVILY after the divorce and has NOT been any better to this very day. I have already had ONE intervention for him with his best friend. We both sat him down and told him we care and don't want to see him keep killing himself. His family has also had an intervention for him. He works hard at a job that he hates and is making barely over minimum wage an hour. He blames his drinking on his job every time. His days off are spent usually drinking at least a bottle of vodka or rum himself, then tries to sleep it off before I get home. The same as my mother would do. Every day I would come home from school she would be passed out on the couch...
He is such an incredible person, and has SO much going for him. And he is everything that I could have ever wanted in a life partner (we are NOT married and will remain as life partners). BUT his drinking is destroying him and us. I am tired of the same old excuses, and lies. I have told him he doesn't have to hide it, that I already know as I find bottles hidden in the house. He says he can stop and will do so for a week...then comes the next day off...he calls me on the phone at work to say he loves me and I can tell by the slurr of his voice he is smashed...it makes my heart hurt. He denies it immediately, then will later admitt that he had ONE..JUST one drink...
Started Al anon meetings today in hopes there is help. I love this person and want to spend the rest of my life with him. How can I do this? And am I attracting such people into my life since both of my parents were alcoholics? The wonderful man I am with has never been abusive when he drinks. He just turns stupid which is something I cannot tolerate. He becomes irresponsible and lazy and does get very defensive about little things but NEVER angry or abusive. Sometimes I can look past this and some days I cant as I know that its not him talking. I have done the things that they say you should NOT do such as threaten to leave him. Looking for all of his bottles stashed throughout the house. I tried to explain to him that he is killing himself by drinking as he does, and he keeps saying " I KNOW AND I WILL STOP..I AM DONE" yet it never happens. There are those false promises again. A friend of ours once said that I am an "enabler" and that I probably attract people like himself that need help. I have questioned this many times. Is this a common trait? My X husband was NOT a drinker so this is why I am doubting it (he divorced me).