Hi and welcome.
I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now and my heart goes out to you.
I think you need to go and discuss all this with your doctor or a councellor.
Depression goes hand in hand with dependancy.
You are a wife, mother, carer and have a sick relative. That is a tough situation and it does take it's toll, but drinking might only make you forget for a short period of time. Then it all comes back with a vengeance and a hangover. Nothing was solved.
You are worth a lot more than just existing like that.
You can stop abusing whatever substance you think helps, you can loose some weight and you are certainly not ugly. Get that?
I truly haven't
seen an ugly human being yet, but then I don't look at the outside. I have met a few, but that had nothing to do with looks.
I myself have quite a few stones to lose, but you know what? My clear eyes make up for the extra layer of me
You don't have to do this alone, we are all here for you. Keep strong, reading and posting. Good luck.