hi daphne
I've "hit bottom" a number of times over the last 25 years...for me, regardless of the circumstances in my life, hitting bottom is what you described...realizing that regardless of desire, regardless of circumstances, regardless of beliefs, regardless of everything...I was gonna pick up a drink..again and again and again...
It was to truly see the truth of that...how many times i set a quit date and couldn't follow through no matter how much i wanted to or needed to.
Drinking again, regardless of the concequences to my body, to my job, to others around me....all the desire and knowledge just wasn't makeing a dang bit of difference
What is happening for me today is that I have reached out to other alchoholics who express having hit that internal bottom, that recognition of thier inability to stay sober.....and yet they are sober today and have been for many years...
I don't know where the journey is leading, but at least it's different than the path i was on.
I'm extremely intelligent, fairly well read, have worked as a professional for over 20 years....
but it seems my ability to delude myself and others is endless.
I'm very stuborn, and I will argue and fight endlessly.....Personally..I'd rather argue and fight out in the open where someone can help me see the errors in my thinking then to do so in my own head where nothing new has an opportunity to enter the equation.
Glad you are here Daph!
:ghug3