Hello blui!
Thank you for sharing your story. Hmm, what got me to stop? Well you'll probably hear a bunch of different reasons but personally I had to hit my bottom.
There is a common misconception that a bottom is losing everything and being a skid row alcoholic/addict. The definition I prefer is: what you are about to lose or have lost is more important to you than drinking/drugging. This could be anything...a job, a house, health - basically anything you value more than the high.
For me the hardest part(s) were recognizing that I had a problem and admitting that I had a problem. I was the last to know I had a problem with alcohol.
IMO, most alcoholics/addicts have some form of mental illness - but it's a bit of a chicken/egg deal. Did the mental illness cause the addictive behavior or did the addictive behavior cause the mental illness?
My guess is you are hoping to tell him something to make him stop using. That's where it gets tough. I'm of the opinion that there is nothing you can do to make him stop. It will only drive you and him crazier than Gary Busey without his medication. I'm only speaking from my experience because I've been lectured to, scolded at, pleaded with, and cried to and nothing worked. I've tried to quit for others and to no avail. It wasn't until I quit for me and me only that I have been able to stay sober (this Thurs. will be 30 days for the first time in 4 years) this long.
I'm not sure if that is what you were looking but I hope it helps. I'm sure others will be here to share suggestions and ideas with you as well. It pains me to know how much we hurt people like you who just want the best for us.
Take care.