Hi Horselover
Many thanks for your reply.
Having pancreatitis certainly is a huge reason to not give in to the urges and that's the only thing that has stopped me so far.
I think my triggers are boredom and depression. I had to give up my job and move back home with my parents due to pancreatitis and associated pain, fatigue and the all rest that comes with it. So I have a lot of free time on my hands. I spend a lot of time in bed and generally feeling like crap, hence the boredom and depression. I find exercising difficult and can't manage it most of the time. Drinking used to make me forget that I was sick, made me feel heaps better and took some of the pain away.
I should also say that after being on oxycodone for around a year from the pancreatitis I am now dependant, I need it for the pain but am also addicted.
I really need to find a hobby or do some study etc that I can do from bed and exercise when I can to keep me busy. I would love to volunteer but I can't really commit to anything because I never know how the pain will be from day to day.
I'm not too keen to go to meetings as I've become somewhat of a recluse since being sick.
If I'm going to get surgery for my pancreas there is no way they will do it if I go back to drinking. I really need to keep telling myself that over and over because if I go back to drinking I won't get my life back and basically it will probably kill me before too long. I just find it hard to keep focused on the big picture and only think about the moment I'm in.
Sorry for the rambling and thanks again for your post.
SK xxx