I saw the abstaining as a "big punishment" for my wreckless past.
Oh trust me I know that feeling, my biggest fear of sobriety was "What the heck am I going to do if I am not drinking?". What I have found in sobriety and the steps of AA is that I am free of not only the bonds of my alcoholism, but I am also free of SELF!!!! I have also found that every single thing I did while I was drinking I can still do today, but FAR BETTER then I did while I was drinking, and I remember it vivdly the next day!
Another MAJOR discovery I have made is tons and tons of things that sober people do that is a real blast, I have been amazed at how many things & places I can go because I am sober.
Have you ever decided to not go to an event because you can not drink there?
Have you ever sat around as you are finishing off that bottle of wine talking about one of these days I am going to go there or do that and never do?
What I used to talk about doing one day while I was drinking I get to do today and not just talk about it.
Sobriety rocks, but the rocking part does not happen over night, similar to drinking rocking at first, but with time drinking really begins to stink for the most part, but for me after drinking for 40 years (I started at about 11 or 12), in the end alcohol owned me! I will not lie, I had a lot of good times those first 25-30 years, but then alcohol began to take over and slowly it began to OWN me.