Daphne, you seem a very smart lady. I think in a way you are trying to analyze 'us' and our replies in order to find a solution to your problem or maybe even try and convince yourself there is none. Nobody on here is going to tell you it is okay to keep drinking. It would be irresponsible, because most of us know where the road leads. Your partner means well, but maybe he is too close to be objective.
Do you really believe that 30 - 50 units a week is not excessive?
I am an atheist too, very much so, but I did find AA very soothing if it makes sense using that word. A feeling of belonging even if just sitting there and listening. Whatever you decide, I wish you good luck.