My A actually openly calls me his mortal enemy. I waited for him, endured abuse and lies, cheating and financial neglect of our child. When he finally kind of got it together, he turned EVERYTHING around on me. My head is spinning. It is like a bad movie.
Over the years, though when he would leave or I would toss him out (again)..He always seemed like he was off doing just great. He wasn't. This is a lie. It's a lie he tells himself. He is filling up all the holes that being close to someone who looks deeply into him makes so obvious. He is scrambling.
I feel for you, and I am right there with you, on the mat, wrestling with that child that feels abandoned.