lostmyway hon, do not be afraid any more, you are no longer alone in this, ask her to be your sponsor, if she says no (there is a chance), then ask her if she can help you find a sponsor.
The wreckage and damage of our past today we face, one of my favorite promises in the BB I found to come true was after I had finished steps 4 through 9 and began the maintenance steps 10 thru 12:
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
When I was drinking all I wanted to do was SLAM the door shut on my past, all that manure ate me alive, oblivion was my escape!!
Today I have worked through and owned my past instead of my past owning me! I use my past as a tool today, I use it to help others as well as a learning tool for me.
Keep in mind hon as you take the steps with your sponsor to be BRUTALLY honest with your self, keep an open mind to all things, and remain willing to do what ever it takes!
On the other side of the steps, when one begins to apply them to all areas of thier life, they will suddenly find them selfs walking in the light, one will become free of not only the bondage of their alcoholism/addiction, but more importantly free of the bondage of SELF!
I have found that as long as I maintain myself spiritually fit I face life on lifes terms knowing that a drink nor a drug are in any way a solution for a darn thing, they are a pathway right back to the gates of hell that the steps and my HP brought me out of.