Hi ginnyrae,
It is hard to watch what they do to themselves.
I have four addicted siblings (two now deceased) and both parents as well.
The hardest thing for me to learn was that they have the right to live their lives any way they see fit. Even if it is clearly damaging, even if I don't approve, even if it hurts my heart to watch.....it is their life, and their choice.
I found peace by making it clear to my siblings that if they need my support, I will try to give it, but that I'm not going to get involved in their alcoholism/addiction any more. They are adults, and I'm not going to rescue them from their own choices. I'm also not willing to let their choices ruin my life or my marriage. I will not speak to them when they're under the influence, and I protect the sanctity of my home from their actions whenever needed.
They know I love them and want the best for them.
The rest is up to them.
Again: not my life, not my choices. Theirs only.
Very hard for me to learn, though!! The people here at SR have been a godsend to me when I simply dont' know what to do in a given situation. Al-Anon has been extremely helpful as well.
Take care of yourself - his addiction is not your battle to fight.
