I understand completely what you're going through LMW. I don't blame my parents for all of my problems, but my drinking started at 13 with my dad taking me into bars and drinking with him (these establishments would be closed over this behavior now days).
But to say that our parent's behavior didn't have any effect on us is simply not true. Everything we experienced in our formative years is directly related to who we become as adults -- good or bad. It's not necessarily blame -- just acceptance. But then, we must figure out how to deal with these memories and issues that arise as a result.
This has been my stumbling block in sobriety as well. Dealing directly with certain family members is a trigger for me. And dealing with repressed memories that unexpectedly show up is very difficult for me as well.
Maybe you can find someone to talk to about these things -- a trusted friend, family member or a even a counselor. Also, we'll be here for you.
Hugs,
Mandy