wekcome, sorry you had to find us but so glad you did. your story sounds exactly like mine, only i'm a recovering addict married but now separated from my active addicted husband who just found his way into the 2nd 2yr prison term.
please believe that none of this is your fault. nothing you can say or do will make him use or stop using. addicts are very good at turning things around on you, making you feel like you are the crazy one with all the problems. its a common trait of addiction and so is the depression, axiety and sometimes rage. it will get progressively worse unless he seek help for himself and follow through with a committed plan of recovery. an addict will do or say whatever they need to inorder to take the focus off of them and their drug use. they can actually make a fight out of anything giving them an excuse to storm out and use, leaving you feeling like it was because of something you did. NOT THE TRUTH.
It took me 21yrs of the exact same behavior you described above before i realized that i really needed to get out and save myself and kids. his addiction was literally driving me insane, all in the name of love. today i am disabled because of a drug induced rage..the pushing, shaking, shoving and name calling got so much worse and i still stuck around for more, simply because i didn't think he wouldnt hurt me physically. trust me, if he did it once and feel like he got away with it, the attacks will get worse so please be safe so you won't have to be sorry. if i had known what i know now, i would hope i would have gotten out long ago.
as for the porn thing, BTDT. PLEASE, concider protecting yourself, sorry to have to say this but its reality sometimes. addicts sometimes do all kinds of stuff for and with drugs. i know this has to hurt but i don't want to see nobody go through all i've gone through in the past 23yrs while trying to stick by my ah, to no avail.
as for my addiction, it took for my family to walk away from me allowing me to hit my bottom alone. then and only then did i fall so low that i became desperate to find help and stick to that help for myself. today i'm a few yrs clean and eternally grateful that they did walk away and began to live their lives without me and my addiction.
you mentioned, you thought about separating yourself and imo, i think that might be the best thing you can do for you(for now) and eventually that could/could not help him more than you could ever know. the choice is still yours though, and we will support any decisions you make so make sure you stick around and keep posting and reading. we are here to help each other. you are not alone here.
alanon and naranon support groups are very good and really will help you to learn to keep the focus on you. you can't love him clean but you can love him to death. you and your family are in my prayers.