I know deep down that no one can make him stop. But some part of me feels like love can do anything. I know it's not true, but I am having a hard time accepting that.
The only reason I wanted to talk to his Mom is because I think she would have some good advice. She dealt with her fathers alcoholism. I think if we had to go on a break he would be able to stay with her and I would have to stay home and take care of our dogs and work. I know she read a lot about alcoholism and addictions and could provide support. And support from strangers is great, but to have a family member there would be great too. I know that is a lot to ask, but I know she is the type who wouldn't mind. She's very caring. I know she can't get him to stop.
I talked to my husband shortly and he's been gone for 5 hours. I think he is heading to a friends who lives about 2 hours away. When I talked to him he was still mad at me and still thinks his drinking was innocent. He went from being mad to telling me he loves me and doesn't want anyone else. He still feels like I am at fault for a lot of our problems. Which I'm not saying I'm not, but the issue today, I feel I was justified in my concern.
I've been reading other posts and it's breaking my heart. I can't stop crying and haven't left my bed since he took off. I wish I could fall asleep. I know this isn't going to go away. But I don't think I've accepted that yet. I read King Baby, and he is exactly that. It's usually his way or the highway. It's frustrating because he is also the softest most thoughtful person at times. When he comes down he expresses himself and how he hates doing coke, how he hates how it makes him feel, he hates the fights it causes, and he has cut down from what he was doing before. There were times when it was daily for a week or more. There are signs that he's getting better. But on days like today, it just breaks my heart.
So I will try and fall asleep while he is out with his friend drinking and maybe getting high. I have hope that he won't. He will probably call me later in the night to tell me he's sorry. Then will come home sometime in the morning. What a pathetic start to 2010. It is discouraging for sure. I had hope it would be a better year than 09.