Tromboneliness, it sounds like we have the same father. It helps so much to hear the same story from others, especially others who seem strong enough to see it for exactly what it is. I have been lucky to have a few friends who see it from a distance, rather than having been subjected to the brainwashing all their lives, who tell me over and over this is not normal.
One of the huge helps to me has been seeing my own children grow older and have a good relationship with me, unlike anything I ever had with my parents, to see that I have been able to change my behavior from how my parents dealt with me, and see how abnormal my life really was in comparison to what I see in my own children and my friends' families.