I Did it AGAIN!
Yep, back here once more, feeling like crap....spent time here in September, went through hell with the XABF, and yep, got roped in ONE more time, and got hurt, ONE more time! I was doing sooo good, then he comes down here (he lives 3 houses down) telling me he might have cancer, had to have some tests done....yada, yada, yada.....I go into MIGHTY CODEPENDANT MODE, pull out my cape, and I'm off the the races! He manages to get scared straight for all of about 70 days, then December 18....he's gone. Off and running again.....and I'm devasted cuz it's the holidays. Why was I surprised? Always the same thing....blocked his number that day, haven't heard a peep since! Back to Alanon, back to starting over at the beginning, back to feeling full of shame. I didn't even want to post again, the shame is so thick. UGH!!!! UGH!!!! UGH!!!!
I decided to post because I need to share this....it doesn't get better, I saw the writing on the wall, and I denied it. He didn't go to meetings much, and just slid into a dry drunk. I am an idiot, and I set myself up. New Year's Eve, alone, again. Actually, I'm getting outta here and going to my Alano Club for a dance. My heart hurts......I have finally let this go. He's God's job, not mine. Happy New Year to all here, and may we all find peace and joy........