Hi Wize:
I am ACOA and can tell you that my sister, and to some degree me, also went through something like this when my mom left may alcoholic father. My dad was in rehab when we left and went to AA meetings religiously for the first, we think, 10 years after we left. He is a very active alcoholic 25 years later.
I felt sorry for my dad, which was the ONLY reason that I was upset they were getting a divorce. My oldest sister was the favorite, which my father will tell you if you ask, and sometimes even if you don't. Anyway, he really manipulated her from the day she was born really. She resented my mom for a very long time, until we grew up a little and realized my mom saved our lives by getting us out. You're daughter will get there when she gets there. As for my mom, she never said a bad words about my dad while we were growing up and let us figure it out. I think that works best, at least it did for us.
Hang in there!