Divorce is hard on kids, add in alcoholism and its even harder. I'm going through a bit of the same with my younger son. I'm divorced from his father, and estranged from his older brother who is an alcoholic/druggie now too. Younger son is angry, and I'm the one that gets the "feedback" - cause I'm here and convenient - I think!
The less you say is probably best, she's old enough to see the writing on the wall - as is my son. It hurts - I feel that too at times. We're such "rocks" and are often taken for granted I feel. Someday, I hope my sons appreciate me for being "the rock".
Ups and downs, life is full of them.