Originally Posted by
Calluna 
I'm in a painful situation after an ambiguous breakup with an ACOA partner. While the breakup was very much definite at the time (him breaking it off, me crying and yelling), we've talked about things since and agreed that while we both need time and space apart for now, while he addresses his problems and I do some thinking of my own, we both want to discuss getting back together after some time's passed. So that's where we are at the moment.
I can't help much with the specifics, but what I keep hearing is, "I really want this relationship, if only this guy will change." Well, that's not how it works. If your happiness/satisfaction with the relationship is contingent upon him making changes to his outlook/attitude/feelings... it's hard to be optimistic.
I'm an ACoA, and so is my wife (who is also a recovering A). There's some commonality with what you describe, in that she doesn't like to hear bad news, either -- especially when it comes to my feelings, which tend toward the melancholy, morose, and at times, actively self-loathing (sometimes I'm a LOT of fun to be around, as you might imagine :-D). I try to convey some of this stuff, but a lot of the time, she just does not want to hear it. So I've concluded that basically, this is my own sh*t, which I have to deal with on my own, for the most part. That may not be ideal, but it is going to have to be OK, in order for us to work.
I can't say, "I'll be happy, if only you'll do..." X, Y, and Z. That does not happen. Happiness -- as an old guy in one of my Al-Anon meetings used to say -- is an inside job....
T