SBH, sending big hugs to you.
That's why a lot of us end up moving on with our lives without them. Sometimes, there is such a thing as "worse than nothing," and an active alcoholic spouse is sometimes just that. My parents stayed together, and through watching them I learned how to be a good ACOA (adult child of alcoholics)...and all of the pain and suffering that caused me once I grew up. It would've been better for me to have one sane, sober parent.
Take care of yourself
