Wow hollygoheavy...that was one heck of a hurtful and confusing relationship.
I know that so soon after things end, we want to try to understand the madness that just took place, it sounds like you really just need a break for now. As an outsider looking in, I'd venture to say that it's a good idea to just close the door on this person and go no contact. There doesn't seem to be anything positive to gain from him, except perhaps what you've learned about yourself in the context of this relationship. This is JMO though...
I'm sorry you had such a rough time, especially at this time of the year.