I spent a good year and a half struggling with the same uneasy fear/resentment and sadness you're explaining. I did not trust him. And with good cause.
I knew at the time I needed to listen to that small, inner voice that told me I wasnt' happy. He wasn't treating me right. But I kept taking it until I just couldn't anymore.
For me, I kept trying to adjust my expectation. He wouldn't agree to go no contact with the woman he had an affair with, left me for and lived with for 4 months. I needed for him to not talk to her at all, commit to me. He refused.
So, I tried to be ok with it.
He would agree to not get drunk, then do it anyway and rage at me. So, I tried to be ok with it.
I was comprimising my ideals. My standards. I knew what I needed and wanted. And I knew he wasn't going to be able to meet them.
But I was still so emotionally bound to him. It was horrible. I couldn't, rather didn't konw how to, let go. I was too afraid to lose him. I think it was just the result of having my self esteem in the toilet. I had friends who told me, "your crazy. That guy has treated you like garbage, why are you running after him?" and that made me feel worse. But they were right.
As much as I was terrified to let go, when I did, it was the best thing that's happened to me. Losing the loser.
OH, and that manuver, the blocking any conversation about your feelings that he doesnt' want to deal with? My AH did that to me for years. So I waited. Sad and feeling unloved. It never changed.